Its weird feeling like you know someone so well one day and the next you wake up to find yourself wondering who that person now is. You wish so badly to dig deep into their once so gentle, giving soul to find out the depths of their heart, there thoughts, why they are the way they are now. People may think they’ve got everything together and their on top of the world, but those who truly know them, know that there is something more to this “everyday smile on the face” kind of person.
You see them on occasions, and when you see them, your eyes meet. When they meet, its as if you can see right through them and know there is something they are thinking or remembering, but you don’t know exactly what it is. Those things you wish so badly to know, you would almost go to extremes to find them out. But then reality steps in and you stop yourself from opening up that door, from going back to a place that once held so much hurt, love, smiles, laughs, and cry’s on the shoulder.
Why don’t they open up this door you wonder? I think memories that held so many intensive emotions, persuade them to keep that door closed, to not even go there. But they don’t know you anymore. They don’t know that what once was thought to be the end of the world for you had came out to one of the biggest life learned lessons ever.
The thing you miss most of them, is not always being around them, the smell of them, or all the memories (although sometimes can be greatly missed and thought about), BUT just the friendship that both of you claimed would ALWAYS be there no matter what. This was done through lonely nights dancing under the stars, through letters written to you, through times of tears and laughter. This is where you wonder what they truly think. What they really meant when they said “friends forever”…or when you waved to each other that three fingered hand signal that said silently “I love you”. Before it used to be thrown around so casually but when truly put to the test, you knew was true love and concern for the other person. The thing you miss most is the friendship.
Yes its hard loosing someone in a relationship, but I feel that its harder loosing a close friend… Someone that was there with you through so much. That saw you at your most vulnerable, depressive state in life, and yet, loved you despite it all. I call that a close friend. Thus, one might understand why losing this person can be more harder then loosing the relationship itself. But you would never say this until you’ve actually lost them. Till you realized the person who was standing there by your side supporting you in so much, is now gone. All you wish for now is to tell them how sorry you truly are for screwing so much up and for pushing them away in every way possible. For making it “impossible to love you”. The little things that you felt were so important to argue about now seemed irrelevant to you.
These are the things you wish…the things you think about…the things you want to communicate but know you would be communicating them onto deaf ears. What is he thinking behind those eyes? Does he have emotions of any kind? I guess one will never know. Until then, you go on with life passing by them occasionally and smile knowing that at one point, they made you happy in life.
